Walls are everywhere. Mostly we think of the physical ones, but the ones that create problems for people everyday are the mental ones.
As a coach I often ask “how many times are you willing to run at that again?”
If we condition ourselves to hear when we are repeating the same story – the one with the adverse or indifferent outcome – then we can readily identify the existence of a ‘wall’ and do something about it.
My observation is that many people like to hear their personal walls being recreated.
They tell anyone who will listen, and fool themselves this will show their worth, show how hard things have been for them, show that ‘I’m just not lucky”
Well, it isn’t like that.
Get rid 0f the bluff, blow away the wall.
If you can recognise walls others are throwing up then it is worth the effort to bring it to their attention to reframe It for them where they don’t leave you with a monkey and bring your day down. Instead you leave them with a learning gift and send a clear message of support at one level and the need for change at another level.
It is not easy.
I get frustrated with the alcohol abuse adverts which are on NZ Television presently, having ordinary people try to bring an issue as significant as excessive drinking to the attention of their mates. It is well intended, though it understates the fact that without the right approach you could drive the very people who may need you close by, even further away,
There is no formula for this sort of stuff.
There is dancing involved, speed of mind, flexibility, timing, the ability to read a situation etc.
However being able to reflect to someone the walls in their lives is a lauadable and valueable gift
My experience shows the following to be useful in the armoury:
Wating to be asked (for an opinion)
Asking what they proprose to do to change the siutation to stop it recurring.
Pointing out politely that you’ve heard this before
Ask them to write down the problem – this is seriously effective method in which many people miraculously see the problem and the solution at the same time.
Ask for progress – this also closes down the opportunity for complaint as they don’t wish to indulge in something where they haven’t kept their ‘bargain’ with you.
People don’t want a solution from you – it’s not in the game – so don’t be expected to be lauded if you point out the obvious solution. They want to be heard, they want to prove the compexity of the issue they are buried in; its ‘insolvability’.
The other great thing about working effectively towards reducing the walls of others is it makes you more aware of your own.
Walls never move , you must either go around them, jump them, or go somewhere else. Otherwise they are just a painful and frequent visitor in your life..
When your’e stuck in a box the instructions to escape are almost always on the outside.
Start jumping some walls today.
Start looking for the instructions outside of your normal mode of operation.