Give me a reason!!

Excuse or Reason?

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Excuse: I’ve been busy so haven’t got around to posting another blog.

Reason: I’ve been distracted lately and haven’t given this blog the time it needs.

A somewhat benevolent Chairman once pulled me up for giving an excuse. It was a lesson well learned and a cue I since have used often for self-improvement and to tune into the conversations I have and assess the credibility of those I’m engaged with.

Anyone who talks with genuine reasons is well ahead in the credibility stakes. Just pouring out excuses is an easy habit to slip into but an unattractive trait to wear:

Excuse Reason
Sorry I’m late the traffic was unbelievable!!! Sorry, I failed to allow for the traffic (which I know about) and left later than I should have.
Sorry I didn’t do “x” I’ve been so busy lately. Sorry, my bad, I didn’t give “x” the priority I implied I would and I overlooked it. I will have it to you by 4pm today.
Sorry I meant to call but forgot. Sorry, I should have called you. (No reason, but an admission of fault)
I forgot to do my homework, I was busy with other things. Sorry, I wasted too much time on my tech and didn’t do my homework.
I know I said I wouldn’t do it again, next time will be better. I let you down, and I let myself down, I’m sorry.
I didn’t mean it. Sorry, I should not have pushed my sister.
I didn’t mean it. That was unkind and unthinking of me. I apologise.

It’s likely some of these will resonate, we all have our guilty moments.

The strength is in acknowledging ‘guilt’ or fault and not falling into the 5-year-olds plea of “It wasn’t me”.

If you can add a commitment to a genuine reason then the value of the apology goes up significantly:

  • I will have the work to you by 4pm…
  • I will call them straight away (and you do)…
  • I’ll work late tonight and have that on your desk in the morning (and you do)…
  • I promise not to use any tech until my homework is completed.

But mostly, next time you are addressing an incomplete task or action, contemplate whether your response is the real reason or the excuse of a 5-year-old.

True leaders will only give reasons.

Show Pony

abandoned-antique-architecture-959308
What becomes of the White House?

Someone who stages an event with only their personal adulation in mind.

Especially when they take all the credit for what was inevitable (and too serious to become entertainment).

 

Note: I will be posting regular two-sentence pieces like this to keep reading brief on points of simple reflection. They will be tagged “Two Sentences”

I Am

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In current times it’s inevitable that some of my posts will veer into politics.

With the surreal event taking place in Singapore at present I can’t resist passing comment on how our egos interfere with our effectiveness.

Safe to say if you’re reading this blog your ego is nowhere near the issue it is for the two men meeting in Singapore (which will be like Cage Fighting in suits with no physical contact).

However, we all have egos and they both serve and hinder us.

When you see things upside down, the ego can be extraordinarily funny; it’s absurd. But it’s tragic at the same time.

Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu

If we carefully observe ourselves we’ll see our ego interfere with our lives on a constant basis, sometimes for good, but also to the detriment of doing the right or best thing:

  • When we feel embarrassed – resulting in inaction when action is what is required.
  • When we fail to acknowledge somebody –  because we’re either a tiny bit underwhelmed or a whole lot jealous, or mostly because we are too full of our own importance.
  • When we do something we know is ‘not right’ – because it’s what we said we would do and can’t deal with our imagined ignominy in changing our course.
  • When we lose focus on a conversation – because no one is listening to us (possibly because their egos are working overtime too, or, simply we are a bore).
  • When we interject (my own personal Achilles) – because our ego can’t wait to show ours is bigger, brighter, funnier or more important (yeah right).

Though we may sigh in despair about the events unfolding and the painful rhetoric which will follow, we also need to take a moment to listen to and observe our own ego.

Imagine life if we trained our ego to understand what a good time can be – where it considered not just you but for those around you.

We need to both feed and nurture our ego but at all times be aware it’s with us.

Even if it’s not raging like some of the more public ego’s we see today, we need to actively manage our ego’s impact on ourselves and those around us. It’s a constant work in progress.

Where do you see the biggest impact of ego – either personally or from others?

What can we do to turn this ‘force’ to positive use?

 

Dance like no-one is watching

Tensions
Making choices to do new things

This graphic is a simple illustration of why some things never see the light of day.

The return to my blog while not “new” is a new beginning. It is a true reflection of the tension illustrated here.

We can spend much of time answering questions that haven’t been asked or answered other than inside of our own heads:

why

Why do this?  Will anybody follow or benefit?

…and the answer to almost all of these types of questions – is that other than yourself

“Who cares?”

  • If you’re not doing it, nothing is happening.
  • If it’s not out there, nobody is judging you, nobody is looking.
  • If you’re not speaking with an independent voice, then how are you relevant?

To paraphrase Seth Godin – don’t keep waiting for the perfect horse on the carousel – just get on they are all going to the same place.

So here I am.

I’ll be reflecting on many things, and hopefully doing it in a way that reflects an attitude of dancing like nobody is watching.

I will be dipping into:

  • How and why we change
  • What we say and how we say it
  • How we respond and how we react
  • What blindsides us and what truly motivates us
  • Assumptions we make
  • Things we fail to challenge, and those that we do
  • Challenges we fail to take and those that we choose to pursue

I beleive:

  • That we care more deeply about each other than most of us care to or know how to express.
  • That community is at the core of humanity.
  • That we all wish for a better world – the world that we share, but at present not so well.

I hope to bring something to that discussion

My primary motivation is that this blog may change somebody’s life for the better – bring more clarity, more insight, and more reflection at a time when they need it, now or in the future. I also hope people will use this to look back and reflect on their own experiences and take the learning forward.

Being a father of 2 wonderful daughters this also serves as a capsule for them to understand me and perhaps even themselves better in years to come when I can’t be around to explain myself.

I’m on this blog knowing that it makes me more real, more vulnerable, more reflective and considerate.

Thank you for giving me your time.

Richard

The Complicator

Complicated

A good friend and colleague of mine introduced a wonderful new term to my vocabulary – The Complicator.

I see them in many many places now, and I wish I had this cue to spot them earlier.

Generally I confused them with Chicken Little – people who always thought the sky was about to fall and couldn’t see the upside of anything.

Complicators however are a little more insidious and beguiling. They constantly complain but at the same time they seem to move things forward. You admire the effort, and say to yourself

“Wow in spite of all those problems they made progress, good on them”.

And that is it, they’ve got you. hook line ( that’s a tangled line, and not as strong as it should be, and by the way the hook is made of the wrong metal, and not really appropriate for catching those kind of fish) and sinker (it should be heavier, but we found a way around it, modified it, talked to the design department, rang the supplier, then the sea was drained of all the water so it didn’t matter anyway).

You get the point.

I like to keep things simple, minimise the drama, focus on the outcome and not embellish the journey. Complicators do just the opposite. If you asked them to go to the corner dairy to get some pens for the office the story would go like this:

“That Dairy is hardly ever open (you know it is right now), the last time I went they were working on the footpath outside (3 months ago), damn what time does my favourite program begin…

They want you to say “Hey look it’s alright I’ll go…” to which they reply

“No, no, its fine, be back shortly”

That’s the game. Eric Berne describes them well in his book Games People Play.

So my question is – what the hell do you do?

My thoughts:

No, can’t print that one. Lets try another…

Give them an out for their plea’s for attention

Say “No I’ve heard that already what has changed?”

Say “Yep you told me that so what do you plan to do about it?

Say “Hey, it’s great you recognise the problems, it’s also great you know how to solve them. What I want to hear are the solutions”

All the other options involve weapons, cars, buses and combustible materials.

Have a great day, I’ll struggle to get through mine because, because, because….

Don’t encourage me!

With the remarkable success of doubling my visits for each of the first three days since I got my blog back and running under a new address, I’m encouraged.
So thanks whoever you are.
In return a new post is coming out in a few minutes.
Bless
Richard